A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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