Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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