It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize