i jhust puked up my retainher.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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