Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
