I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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