i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
