I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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