we made out on top of his cat.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
