we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
