Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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