we have officially lost it.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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