I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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