I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you never un-have a 4some
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
