The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
