My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
