You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
