I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
