The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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