32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
