You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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