That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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