You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
