i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
