I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I pour the whiskey from now on
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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