You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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