I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm going to jail i love you
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
