You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i came on her dog
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
