you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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