Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
