if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
