If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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