I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
