I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
