Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
