My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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