So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
