That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i drank out of a bidet.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
