he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
