Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
