I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
