roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....