there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
