My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.