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he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
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