all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
