Where are you?
In a non slutty way
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
