i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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