I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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