i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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