My hand turned me down
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
