Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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