I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
