i just wanna soil my oats bro
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
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im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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