Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
