I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
this is an emotional support booty call
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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