After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
