the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
