and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
