I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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