I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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