she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
